Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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