yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
