Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
