had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
