u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
