6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
