Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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