am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
