He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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