happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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