i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize