I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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