Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
