He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
