god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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