Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He kissed a someone with a penis
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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