my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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