oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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