then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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