it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
