Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Randomize
