I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
