I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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