I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work