she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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