ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So many bounce houses so little time
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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