Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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