I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
