I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
