I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
