Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
