1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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