So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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