3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
His nipple licking is glorious
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