All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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