first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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