you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
operation have a gay friend backfired
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
what the fuck happened to the tacos
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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