Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This baby is an asshole
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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