In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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