would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
