I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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