And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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