Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
