Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
