I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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