He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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