well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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