I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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