i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
His nipple licking is glorious
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