Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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