Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
