I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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