saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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