The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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