sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
